You are Loving Awareness

It has been a hot minute since my last blog post, and that’s because like all human beings struggling in a 3D world, I have been distracted by my job and many inconvenient situations that the Universe has thrown my way. My spirituality went down the proverbial toilet and I even made sure to double flush. Unfortunately, I haven’t emerged on the other side as a glorious spiritual guru. Au contraire, I remain a stressed-out city girl battling with imposter-lightworker syndrome.

When life sucks and you don’t wanna have nothing to do with it…

Three months ago, I was on a high. I had just completed 12 weeks of life coaching with a spiritual teacher, who taught me how to open up my spiritual abilities. I was excited to begin a new role in HR within the family busines. Finally, I got this…or so I thought. I was hit with an avalanche of soul-sucking admin work. I spent my days processing paperwork, reviewing training policies and government grants. I felt like a secretary rather than a lightworker. I experienced performance anxiety, which is something I’m still learning to deal with. In my third week on the job, we received a letter from the trade union. It was enough to make everyone scramble as the “threat” of unionization loomed large. I say “threat” in inverted commas, because on a spiritual level, I see this as a positive sign of changing times – the rise of unity consciousness and a fight for equality. Down with the monarchy! (Sorry, I’ve been binge-watching The Crown).

My CEO brother has made the very wise decision to welcome them with open arms. “React with love not fear,” says every spiritual teacher. I am proud that he is doing just that. Union issues aside, the past week or so was going well. I was adjusting to the new job, and I finally had some free time to look into mental health programs, something that I am eager to implement at work. Things were finally settling down…that is, until the government announced a semi-lock down for 4 weeks due to a spike in COVID-19 cases. I mean, really? Seriously? Can’t a girl catch a break here?!

In my moment of stress, I felt an inner nudge to reconnect with spirit. It felt like a gentle tap on the shoulder ( although I’m pretty sure my spiritual team was yelling at me through a megaphone). I tried my best to calm the nerves and go into meditation. For several days, I had a vision of Morpheus being led down a corridor by the Archangel Sandalphon. Sometimes the two of them would stand there and look at me. At other times, the Archangel Sandalphon would pick him up and hold him in his arms. Morpheus was tired of waiting. They were trying to connect with me from the other side, but I couldn’t hear them. I couldn’t get past the busy thoughts in my head. This went on for several days.

Then one evening, I decided to put my work aside and I waited for the message to come through. I imagined sending rays of golden light to Morpheus’ heart. I imagined sprouting vines of a tree and connecting our two hearts by these golden vines. All of a sudden, I saw a golden beam shoot out from his third eye and into my forehead. In my mind, he appeared in front of me in a dimly lit room. The room was empty save for a wooden table. There was a kerosene lamp on the table, which cast a warm glow upon the white walls. The lamp had a dial that you could turn up to intensify or diminish the flame.

The flame grew stronger and brighter. Without words, I understood what he was trying to tell me. “You are the vessel that carries the flame. You have control over your inner light. You are not a victim of external circumstances. Your light cannot be extinguished by the world around you”. I recalled a simple mantra by the spiritual teacher, Ram Dass. “I am loving awareness….I am loving awareness…I am loving awareness.” The ebb and flow of this incantation brought me back to the present moment. I had a fleeting glimpse of the vast stillness that resides within every second. In that empty room with my dog’s higher self, I recognised that we are all infinite beings in a passing show. Without the distractions of life, we are simply loving awareness.

[Update: There is an urgency to ramp up mental health initiatives in the company due to the semi-lockdown in my country. I am writing weekly posts on nutrition, exercise, and mental wellness for our employees. I am also planning a virtual talk on mental health during COVID times and looking to engage counselling services for our employees. It’s as if the Universe has unleashed a perfect storm for me to carry out my life purpose, and it is both beautiful and stressful at the same time. I haven’t gotten my spiritual groove back, but I’m getting there. My fur baby is helping me to cope with anxiety and my love for him deepens every day.]

Morpheus basking in loving awareness.

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