This isn’t a story about Morpheus, but it is too important not to share.
In recent years, I have felt a strong desire to switch careers. I feel it is my life purpose to help others in need, to be a “lightworker” of sorts, although I do not know how exactly. A counsellor, a life coach, an art therapist? The urge becomes louder every day, and sometimes my inner voice practically screams at me to get going. I scream back at it, “I’m trying, but I ain’t Mother Teresa!!!”
The feeling became so strong that I left my creative job in 2019 to become a life coach. Equipped with a psychology degree (that I had earned 12 years prior), a newly acquired coaching certification and art therapy diploma, I felt like an archangel on earth ready to save every lost soul.
Oh boy was I wrong! By mid 2020, I had yet to attract any paying clients, other than a handful of people that I coached for free. I was utterly dismayed. How can I serve humanity, when I have very earthly responsibilities to think about, like paying the bills?
Long story short. I took up a job at the family company in a totally new and unfamiliar job function (E-commerce. Yikes!) Coming from a family of high-achievers, being a wannabe “lightworker” isn’t exactly an accomplishment. I’m pretty sure my father thinks a lightworker is an electrician. My coaching dreams slipped away, and I have been working there for 8 months now.
One day, I was feeling particularly frustrated with life. I settled down for a meditation. I should preface this by saying that I had recently read Lorna Byrne’s book “Angels at My Fingertips”. In the book, she recounts the crucifixion of Jesus and the horrible torture he endured. As I closed my eyes to meditate, I thought about those events. I felt a sadness wash over me, and then I was PISSED. I spoke to God “Why do you have to make your children suffer? How cruel you are.”
My train of thought veered in another direction. “If I have not suffered much in life, then I must not be worthy. My life is too privileged. I have not experienced enough hardships to be a life coach.”
Jesus suddenly appeared. “It is not the degree of suffering that matters, it is the degree of compassion that you hold in your heart. You are here to teach. To be a teacher of love,” he said.
In my mind’s eye, he showed me the purple amethyst cross that I was wearing around my neck. My mother gave me this cross when I was 13 or 14 years old. I hadn’t worn it in years, but I felt compelled to put it on again after binge-watching Vikings on Netflix. If you’re familiar with the show, there is this Christian monk named Athelstan, who was captured by the Vikings on their first raid of England.
I do not know what possessed me to wear the cross again, but I did.
Disclaimer: I am NOT a Christian. I grew up in a strictly religious household, where I felt trapped in a system of beliefs that made no sense. I parted ways with Christianity at the age of 14, after stumbling upon the seminal work by Neil Donald Walsch, “Conversations with God” on my mother’s bookshelf.
Jesus said, “Accept me back into your life again, and I will be your teacher. I will teach you how to be a light of hope for humanity”. (In Lorna Byrne’s books, she speaks about the “light of hope” as a light that the angels hold in front of a person, who is contemplating suicide. It quite literally helps them to see the light again).
I said silently to myself, “I need to give up my dream of being a life coach. I am not going to succeed.” Jesus communicated without speaking, “You cannot fail when you are in service to the collective. The concept of failure doesn’t exist when it comes from a place of love.” I looked into Jesus’ eyes and I saw two planets in his pupils. The magnificence of Earth was held in his gaze. “Do you know how great you are?” he said. I had a sense that he wasn’t only speaking to me, he was referring to the greatness of every soul that chose to incarnate on Earth.
I was moved to tears. I felt the significance of my purpose in this lifetime. This is the message I must convey to every reader. Do you know how great you are? Do you know there is no such thing as failure when you choose to serve the collective? Do you know that love conquers all?
Don’t take it from me. Take it from Jesus.
[UPDATE: In the coming months, I am planning to undertake a new role in Human Resources, where I hope to carry out a series of mental health initiatives in the family company. My self-doubt acts up frequently, but spirit is urging me to face my fears. I’ll keep you posted.]